Visit at Grandmas

Dont know whats wrong with me or why I suddenly have anxiety again. Might be because Ive been eating sugar, rice, potatoes etc this last week. I am a sugar junkie after all and it does effect my temper. Tomorrow its strict LCHF diet again. No more birhday cakes or other stupid things!

We went to Grandma yesterday afternoon. James was so exited to see her and ran around like a maniac. Grandma bought him a Hello Kitty drawing book and some pens. He got even more exited then and very happy!

 While Paul and Grandma stayed home with James I went to the shop to buy us a nice dinner. Sture fry and noodels, with ginger, lime and chili. Bought some ice cream for dessert aswell! It was jummy jummy! Grandma loved the food, so we will cook it again when we visit her.

I had to take some anxiety pills last night so that I could sleep and today I am like a zombie. Havent taken them for a long time now and I got a bit chocked when I felt the extreme tiredness this morning. It feels like I am draging my body around. Been sleeping most of the morning after I left James at Day Care. I do understand now why I was so tired all the time before. I used to have to eat maximal dose everyday. Talk about zombie. Well they did help though, you cant expect things to be perfect at once when you are very ill.

Going to the taxoffice now to fix some paper for Pauls migration thing. Need to copy my passport and get another paper aswell. Then Im going to buy food and some other stuff. Hopefully the dishes will be done when I come home. I think I will cry otherwhise?! Of tiredness that is :) Pauls done washing all morning and will go and get James from Day Care soon. Team work!!

This afternoon James best friend and his mum is coming over. I hope I will be awake!

One of those days....

Im not feeling good today... At all. Im feeling totally useless and angry and sad. It feels like I am stuck and the way to my goals seems extra long today. I am listening to Coldplay, stupid really, it doesnt make anything better when you feel like this. Some Nirvana would be better.... Will change music.

I have to much to think about. Stupid papers from migration office, appartment that needs to be fixed, nightmares every night that makes me tired and down. I am enoyed with Paul and I dont know why. Its like I am a big needy baby and I want him to fix me but he cant because I dont know what I want. Hate it, I want to go to bed and hide, but I wont because it wont make it any better.

I want to scream and shout and hit something. Or have a car so that I can drive, listen to loud music and scream and cry. I want to be left alone but I dont want to at the same time.

I am frustrated like hell.

At the gorgeous lake

We went to a lake to feed some birds the other day. This lake is so beautiful and peaceful. When we went through our hardest time last year when Paul was so sick I used to come here every day to get my anger and frustration out. I got much strength from this lake, the trees and fresh air.

Who are we without him?

James went to his Day Care teacher yesterday afternoon for a sleep over. It was the second child free night for us since he was born. It felt so wierd. I felt a sort of panic and frustration because I wanted something extremly special to happen? It almost ruined our evening but we decided to stay in, watch Star Trek and drink some red wine. Amazing really. To be able to do that in peace without getting interrupted, to spend time with your favourite person without beeing a mom or a dad. I think we felt like that because were not use to James beeing away. Were not use to be just us anymore and who are we anyway without him? Its kind of funny really how your brain function when your a parent. I missed him so much last night, I even felt a little sad?! I even dreamt that he got kidnapped?! But today, in the afternoon when I was a bit tired and just wanted to sit and relax I wished that he were in Day Care, just for a few hours so that I could have some peace?! Wierd ha?

We are very grateful to have so much support from James Day Care teachers. They are amazing. They always ask us how we are. They do care which is very nice, it is nice to have their support. James loves them so much and it makes us very happy. I trust them to take care of the most precious person and I am never worried.

Well so anyway. Paul and I had a nice evening, we had bolognese and apple crumble with ice cream and of course some red wine. After the lovely dinner we cuddled up in our sofa and watched Star Trek. Yes that is what we do, watch Star Trek and so should you :D

Went to get James around lunch time today and went home to have a relaxing day. Our friend Angelica and her daughter came over for some apple crumble and a chat. Thats todays adventures. Oh, James and I painted James nails with some nail polish aswell ( he loves it soooooo much) and yes we watched some Star Trek aswell ( Paul has Asperger syndrome after all, he needs his rutines, no not really :) its just a great serie! Watch it!).

Yes I know... He needs to clean his room, I tell him all the time but he never listen :D

James and his stick

Paul found a very large stick on the way home from Day Care a couple of days ago. James thought it was the funniest thing he ever seen and refused to let it go!

Heres two movies to watch aswell!

1 & 2

Happy birthday to me!

Right... I need to start writing down what I am planning to publish here because I am so busy all the time! It is a sign, a sign that tells me that I am feeling good! Well enough about that for now! I have to tell you about my birthday and other stuff!

First of all this is some pics from last Friday when James and I went to Agge to hang out. James finds all their things very interesting and I decided that hes not allowed to come with me to Agge anymore! All I did was running around after him :D

On Saturday my dear friend Pernilla came here to take me out for lunch as a birthday gift :D It was so lovely to see her again, its been almost a year since last time! We walked around in the sunshine, looked in flower shops, talked and went to Cafe Cava for lunch. I had a big bow in my hair, a polka dot dress and gold glitter nailpolish, yes I might be an alien?!

Paul was home with James all day for the first time and it went great ( as I new it would!), so now I am free to do what ever I want muhahahahaha :D

 

I got these stunning Ted Baker earrings from Paul on my birthday, I LOVE THEM! Almost as much as I love him! So yes he did a great job with my gift.

 Paul took me out for pizza on my birthday, we shared a Bombay pizza which turned out to be very spicy :D Thats why we look so funny in the pics!

 

 In the afternoon my mom came with birthday muffins and cakes. First time in years I celibrate my birthday with my mom, felt so nice! The cakes and muffins helped me to fill out my new wrinkles! Thanks mom! 

Thats all for today! Tomorrow I will publish a movie and show you some more birthday gifts!

A busy weekend!

What a busy weekend! James and I went to my friend Agge on Friday night. James was running around like a maniac all evening so at nine I decided to go home. I was worn out! Otherwise it was a nice night, we had pizza and watched Idol.

On Saturday Pernilla came here all the way from Torup to take me out for lunch as a birthday gift. Paul stayed home with James all day. It was amazing to go to the city on my own with a friend and not have to think about anything! Pernilla and I had a big lovely lunch at Cafe Cava, we could barrely walk because we were so stuffed afterwards. It was sunny and beautiful weather, everything was perfect!

I was very happy to come home and hear that everything went great, Paul havent had James a whole day before. Its amazing to see how much that actually happened in just one year. Last year at this time Paul was practising to just go outside the door, short five minutes walks before the anxiety got to hard to handle and we had to go in again. What an amazing job we have done. It was only one year ago, I cant believe it...

On Sunday we where both much tired! So we had a calm day. James and I went out to play with some friends and later they joined us home for some tea. I went to bed at nine in the evening hoping to get som sleep, got a little, think I am going back to bed for a while again though! James is finally back in Day Care, so now is my chance :)

James on his way to Agge.

 

On the tram, James is talking about all the different colors he has on his nailpolish.

 

A giant egg?!