Weak

Paul and I have our Sunday today, which means that today is the day that we sleep as long as we want and do absolutly nothing! Until James is home from day care again. It is nice to have some time to charge our batteries and just be.
I am in a place right now thats not very pleasent, the thoughts are flying around in my head and I dont feel very good at all, still happy though, just weak, yea weak is the right word to describe how I feel I think, weak, in both body and mind.
This is the autumn when Paul is going to try to get back to work, hes starting with work training first ofcourse and only that is a big step, a step that hes been wanting to take for so long. I am so proud and happy for him, but also scared, I always seem to picture the worst case senario in my head, but that is my tactic of not getting to disapointed if something failes.
I failed my work practise, well it was to earliy for me to work and I crashed, I stod up again though and I have as a goal to try again next spring, hopefully I will be well enough to handle it then. I feel like I have so many judging eyes on me at the moment, mostley because some of the people close to me been saying negative things. I know that most of the eyes that are watching me (us) are cheering for us, which is wonderful, those are the eyes of the people that knows us, the only eyes that counts really, I just have a hard time seeing those at the moment, because I am weak.
I  am confused aswell, I do after many, many years have a mom again, shes sober and shes trying to sell her house and wants to move closer to us, her ex husband is still living in the same house, the man that almost beat her to death many times. That is a huge stress for me, but it will soon be over, hes going to jail. Why is he allowed to live in the same house as my mom? I dont have a clue, neither has she. I cant face loosing her again... This is very scary.
I also got some support from my dad lately, which also is confusing beacuse I never had that before. I am confused and scared, ofcourse I am very happy about finally having parents, I am just not use to it, thats all, thats why its confusing and scary.
I feel weak now, but it is okey, will be back on track soon again. Thank you for listening.