Talk about beeing in a crap situation right now! Wish that I had a magic wand to fix it with... But I dont. No its nothing serious, it just that I (we) always seem to get so surprised when Paul gets depressed again. Hes down right now and with down I actually mean down, maybe a little depressed, hard to tell. As usual (when this happens) we have an appartment that looks like hell, we need to buy food, James is bored because we are so tired and stayed in all day today, sometimes you just cant go out and play, thats it. I know that I am usually very hard on myself and I know that I always over react when Paul has a bad day ( everyone does have bad days). I am just so fucking scared of loosing him again, to stand there all alone to take care of everything, because now I dont have the energy to do it and I dont want to do it without him either. But I dont think he ever will get bad again, he knows how to pull himself up from the black hole. But I still cant help that I get so scared.
Anyway. Tomorrow when Paul is in school I am going to clean this appartment, it doesnt matter how exhausted I am, it just have to be done. Then its no problems to keep it clean and tidy. Were been trying to take one room at the time a day, over all the other things like dishes etc, but then it just seems to be messy the day after anyway, so we must do the whole appartment. I will do it, me and Meatloaf, hes going to sing so loud tomorrow and I am going to run around as fast as I can. I just hope that James is going to day care tomorrow, otherwise this plan failed.
So we are ok, but if you wanna give us an extra phone call or help out with something I just say YES PLEASE.
Have a good night dear fans, will go and read a book now, then sleep, see you tomorrow!
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